Wednesday, June 13, 2007

navigate

"...You CANNOT blink in this profession. You cannot show weakness, insecurity or failure. Every experience must be spun into something that makes your little ole ass look brilliant....But that is the game in a world where everyone is applying for a new job every day..."

(Nancy Baker's interview here)

I’m done with Nancy’s blog, with re-reading included. But I’m not going to be able to bring up every little thing which touched me, which coincided with my own view or experience. I swear, she and I have practically written the same words. But hers were online, whereas most of mine are in the torrid pages of my 134 notebooks of a paper diary.

Nancy gives several recounts on the shameless act of self-promotion. Like her, I thought that if I just made good work and kept the nose to the grindstone, this was all I needed to do. This is what I did in New York – really stupid!

Because I had to be nice to people all day long in my retail day job, I just didn’t have the will for it at night. Even recently, I wondered what the options were as regards the rounds of promotion (for others, if not for myself). My generation was not very well trained in this area.

But people wonder why you are not saying that you’re the best. No shit. They’ll think that something’s wrong. No one wants to pick a loser. It’s up to us to say “it’s a winner” and the whole affair can nauseate.

It’s not that I doubt my own work, which is amazingly where people go when I tell them how I feel about this part of the “career.”

It’s the system I doubt, always did. I just don’t believe it catches everything, knows everything, can project everything – and I’m over the system thinking it can. It takes huge, almost untrainable social skills. I'm slowly learning, but it still isn't easy to navigate.

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