Wednesday, May 23, 2012

From Southern Oregon

Over the weekend I drove down to Southern Oregon. It was the first time in years that I stayed with my mom and it was really nice. What's different? Circumstances change people all the time. 

She's drifting, softening in a world of her own construct, where things are just not as intense. She's very much in the present. The small, passing details of the moment are the urgent matters she will relate. I learned some things about growing old there. Not getting old, but growing old. We get different things at different times of our lives. From afar I worried about her, assuming she was lonely or sad. Wrong – she likes her own company - she is where and who she wants to be - in her own world and in her own moment; there is nothing to be sad about.

And she is fairly comfortable in her aging skin. She has the simple things, embracing the sunshine and the trees and her animals. The big fight that can be life, the big ambition, it's over for her. She has accepted many things. Just being around that made me feel a little lighter.

I am still in the middle of ambition and relish it in fact. For most of my life I have had some sense that I carried my mothers’ battle and moved forward. She was an artist and a beautiful woman. There’s more than one reason why I use a vintage image.

After I saw her, I took an early morning walk in Lithia Park in Ashland, remembering all my childhood summers there. And I felt this sense of the future there too, in being old and actually, in liking it. Sensuality and physicality don’t close down; they just change is all. 

Soon I am leaving this house and losing this incredible collage studio. I am sure I will be provided for somehow but in the meantime, I work like the blazes. Every piece here is about a woman from Southern Oregon

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